"I Am So Tired of Waiting, Aren't You, For the World to Become Good and Beautiful and Kind." Langston Hughes
TAROT: 6 of Wands / LENORMAND: Heart, Letter, Coffin / ADINKRA: Mate Masie
I am quite taken, of late, by how many people seem to be stuck in the state currently and commonly called Imposter Syndrome. I confess to being personally unafflicted with this malady, and in this post, I want to think aloud about what it is, why it is, and perhaps provide a little guidance through and past it.
Quite often, as I sit down to write these posts, I have no idea what my subject will be, until I pull the cards. This is one of those times. Our first card, the 6 of Wands from The Black Tarot by Nyasha Williams, is commonly known as the Victory Card. A rider sits astride a horse, here a carousel one, and accepts as her due the congratulations of the crowd, which is just out of sight, but surely there and loudly cheering. Our rider looks straight out at her fans. No modest downcast eyes or downward tilt of the head for her. No “Aw, shucks! I don’t deserve this!” Our rider knows she has done well. She knew it before the crowd did. The crowd’s roar is nice, of course, but clearly secondary. Our rider did not accomplish what she did in order to hear the crowd’s adoring approval. Her calm demeanor tells us this. She sits in her power, because she has done the work she set out to do, and accomplished it to her own satisfaction. That, for her, is sufficient praise .
A few years ago, I was describing to my daughter something good that had happened for me. She listened calmly as I talked excitedly, and then she assessed my joy by saying, “My, you are good at the self-congratulations thing!” I smiled, and I even nodded. I mean, what she said was in jest, for sure, but it was also clearly a dig. She is, I should add, among the legion who suffer from Imposter Syndrome, and so my glee seemed to strike her as….unseemly.
I learned very young that outside approval, particularly of the parental sort, would not flow my way freely. I reminded my daughter of this, and said that I had gotten very good, very early, at what some might call contortion: the art of patting oneself on the back for a job well done. For some reason, this is not a skill that is widely taught or prized. It is why people say things like “I am so humbled” when they mean to say “I am so proud.” Because God forbid someone should think they are (gasp) immodest. I submit that the inability to pat oneself on the back is causally related to Imposter Syndrome. As human beings, we all crave praise. If we cannot give it to ourselves, we will look for it outside ourselves. And because we live in fear that we do not deserve such outside praise, we allow ourselves to become paralyzed and unable to do our best work, and call it Imposter Syndrome.
I call bullshit on that.
A secondary cause of Imposter Syndrome is illustrated for us by this week’s Lenormand cards, Heart, Letter, Coffin. The cards describe the tendency for us to do our work, not from a place of curiosity or fascination or love of the subject matter. Rather, too often the work we do is done with one eye on the work and the other eye swiveling behind us to see what others think of what it is we are doing. Now, THAT is a way more painful act of contortion than my patting myself on the back! Would you not agree? Lenormand urges us to only and ever do our creative work from a place of love and curiosity and fascination (Heart). Lenormand urges us to keep our cards (Letter) close to our vest (Coffin) when it comes to our work, so that we do not allow it to become infected by outside opinion and expectation before it is ready for prime time. The world is only too happy to undermine, discourage, depress the creative process, because, of course, misery loves company, and there is some perverse satisfaction found in swelling of the ranks of those afflicted with Imposter Syndrome. That is a club that will never get any dues money from me.
I invite you into a different club, with no fee at all. In this club, one seeks one’s own approval first, and becomes grounded in that space by only engaging in creative endeavors for….the love of them. I guarantee that if you take this approach, not only will your heart be peaceful and nourished, your work will flourish, too. And when your work is done, hop on that carousel. As you ride, proud of yourself and your work well done, you may not see the crowd cheering, but you will feel the echo of your ancestors’ cheering because you have understood your birthright to love what you do, do what you love, and love yourself in the process.
The Adinkra symbol Mate Masie means “I have kept what I have heard.” If what you have heard today is something you find worth your keeping, then keep it.
Amen and Ase
P.S. I am open for Lenormand readings in case you want to explore how to move past Imposter Syndrome.
I forgot to add that the Adinkra, symbol this week translates to “I keep what I have heard.” If you like what you have read, I hope that you will “keep what you have heard.”
I have about as much patience for Imposter Syndrome as I do for ‘writer’s block’, I.e. None